Unstructured Words

Does Anyone read this?

2006-05-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

Its anticipating that kills me
Its the headlights streaming by
The emptiness of my hand
Shadows on concrete
Trees in the wind

Its the sound of your voice
And not knowing who's it is
The thought of not seeing
Not knowing, not feeling
Not ever growing up enough

Its the silent backseat
The still car rides home
Thick air and the loud apathy
Streetlamps and stop lights
Night turning to day

Its sleeping beside you
And simply waking up
The sound of your breath
Not touching, not holding
Simply too far away

---------------------------------

I said I didn't belong
And you agreed
Instead of reaching out and making me
My pleas where taken as goodbyes
I never knew they'd come that simply
I just want to be home
But nowhere is home
When home hurts more than the road
I said I was done saying
And you let it be

And that's not what I wanted
Don't you know, silly child
When I say I don't want to talk
That means I do
And when I say I don't belong
Its because I need to be reached

All's I can offer is my tiredness
And possibly that is visible
Frightening and new
Silence isn't so much golden, as it is feared.
And all these things I did were for you
Wasteful it seems now
Wasted these years
To be here, and not know where that is at all.

---------------------------------

Silently tripping along
Till I realize I have no reason to trip
I may have cute shoes
but that's all I have going for me

Happily talking and laughing
Then the thought strikes
The smiles are fake
And the laughings' worn out.

Tunelessly humming a song
Stop abruptly when hit
By realizations that this is all
Going nowhwere fast.

--------------------------------

There's smoke in the air
Doubts in my hair
Trailing down to my fingertips
The fear of never knowing
Never feeling, never growing.

Will I ever know
What if, what next, when?
I just want the end of this
The end of the desert
The rain and rush in the valley

Stars to make my music
Hands to hold, and thoughts to share
Before I have to consider
What song I'll die to

---------------------------------

"...All Deliberate Speed..."
I walked down the hallway
Very deliberate look
But I'm not interpreting glances any more
Had my time with that and failed
Smile lines lean towards trustworthy
Can't decide if I'll see you again
And if I do
If I have the desire to open my mouth
Its when you least expect it
That what you want happens
I guess I'm always expecting
Need to be more blase
Thinking I should be more forward
But loving the idea
Of being pursued
Not having to place what I feel on the line
Its nights that are dark that tug
Its days that are cold that cause grim looks
Sunny days
Are what I live for
And glances are shards of sun
But for the whole orb
I require words
I've never received words
Was that deliberate?

Updated

2005-09-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

This wooden table
These wooden thoughts

Mesmerised, and thoughtless
The green expanse of grass

These things I can't be pondering
Are what inhabit my mind

The things I need to see
Things that I can't reach

I see you, when I should say prayers
See, my lips can't move

I tried to make the effort
But the effort was too much

So I'll smile through the tangle
Through the crowded web of thoughts.

------------------------------------------------

One whispered look
One glance that screams
One heart that sucks
The life right out of living

One song to write
One tune to play
One person to care for
To cross this nighttime sea

One nonsensical poem to compose
One more paragraph to type
One more lovesick longing
Never to be had for me

One more wasted dream
One more song that reminds
One single tear to escape
The millions I have cried

One more friend to have
One more is just what I needed
One more sarcastic sentence
As formed above.

------------------------------------------

Complimentary suggestions
These were what I was made of
Ways to show you
My literal side
Marshmellow thoughts
Oozing outside of
The backyard at night
Singing on the wind
And waiting for you for
Hours
May came and passed
I hated May
Merry laughter carried on
And I almost fell asleep on the sofa
So open to what to feel
The knots and wiggles inside
Forced into calmness
Coolness, aloof
I'll never tell
You what I feel
Unless you ask.
----------------------------------------------

You were going to
Take care of me the way I thought
That it should happen
The hands and warmth
The smile...the sound of laughter
turned bitter in my ears
The moonlight faltered when I thought
I saw that shooting star
You said to wish
and boy, did I
But it wasn't what it seemed
Just like the spaceship
So "Smile even though its breaking"

-------------------------------------------

Maybe we belong
But did you ever thing of that
Silly little thought that pops
the kernels in the hot pan
of water boiling over
with
Salt water running down my face
isn't what I want to see when I look
at the stars
In the black night
has come and left me alone
You stand with noone near
the train stop waiting
for the rain to stop
sign flashes in my heart
beats quicker when I think
that maybe it could happen
to be tonight that its to be

Noone but Me

2005-04-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

Listening to purevulome.com....

So should you.

Then it would be as if

We were connected

On more than one level

Music is the ties that bind

My melody of you

Sing me that song again

The one you sang

"You are beautiful
But you don't mean a thing to me"

Its so not true.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Golden Goose

Just somehow searching
Just in some way wanting

How the morning comes
Faithfully

Waiting for the moment
The truth

Waiting for desire
To be full

Morning came yesterday
And the day before

Night followed
With quick pursuit

You ran after me
Barely caught my hand
It didn’t meant much
To you

To me it meant the world
The golden goose

And now the night
Lingers on

And the meaning fades
To what it is

Simple lovers dreams
This day

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Piano Falls

Could I say I love you
With the chorus of many
Violins tonight
An orchestra
Of berating thoughts

This evening brings
Your hand on mine
Accidental touch
But a striking brush
Fire starter

Listen to what he said
Said not to let
Imaginations
Drop pianos on your head

Curve of the seat
Whir of your car
The sound in the distance
Trying to place it
In between all the other
Thoughts of you

Letters unsent
Sitting in that cardboard box
Things you sent
See you whereever
I turn

Words tonight
Can fill a space
Open on my shelf
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cannot Compare

Still she can't
She can't compare
She'll never be
The one to sing to you
Of love
And make you fall in love

She can't have that demeanor
It is not something she posseses
Something she wants
She wants to sing
She wants to tell you
Get the words out

Only on paper, that's when they come
Stuck in her throat
The guitar won't strum
She can't help but
See herself next to them
And see so many gaps
See reasons why it could never be

Questions how she could ever think
That you'd ever want
To hold her close
And listen to her sing
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now picture This....

2005-04-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

Closer

Picture the darkness
Of a summer evening
Of bright spotlights shining down
Of you
Standing next to me
Now picture what would occur
If you just placed your arm
Near me

I would bite it off!

No, I should never be
Like that to you
But I should never promise
To not hurt you
Would you want me to?
The night progresses
You're happy
I'm happy
Chill of the air
Excitement arises
The possibilities surround
What shall happen next?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ill-fit

I don't care
They say it all
I can't figure
What I think
Into a small paper box
All's I know
Is the here and now
Are what exist
As true as the clouds
Or the carpet in
My room
I feel what I touch
I see eyes
More than I have
When smiles have
Bestowed upon me
Happiness of the grandest sort
I can sit across the table
Not hearing tomorrow's
Sadness in my ears
Just the ocean
Of laughter.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mother May I?

Fizzle, frazzled
Love frayed by toddlers
Grubby hands
Mastermind of fathers'
Overprotective hand
Mother warning
To wear a coat
Tuck me in at night
So my feet are warm
Don't eat before sleeping
Dreams are sharper than usual
Making no sense
Words twisted
Do not know what
To say, to write to you
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Swayed

When you think about it
How many there are
Who all you meet
Makes me paranoid
As though I am
On drugs

Not that I know
What that's truly similar to
But I imagine
[boy do I]
Mainly at night
In the car
I see things sway

Mornings come and days go
Time passing
I hear what someone says
And think to myself
Its all going to be okay
Someday it just might
But I still worry
I still look behind us
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heart My Hurt

Tell me once
Just in few words
No need to prolong
Poems not required
Just wondering
Its late
The time I get
Emotional
Here all alone
In my room
With words in front of me
Simplistic "yes"
Or sad little "no"
Heart my hurt
Or be estatic
But if its not to be you
Then I'd like to know
To meet who it
Will be
To save my laughs
And words,
Yes, even my tears
For him.
Please God
Just grant me this one
Question
Should I ask
Or should I fade
Now I lay me down
To sleep....
I always analyze way too
Much.

Tonight

2005-01-29T11:05:00.000-08:00

Shiver runs through it
As Jello
Jiggle your way through it
Smile with diamond teeth
Grin to bare it
Tonight
Its time to be happy
Sing me that song once again
For the millionth time
My favorite
Your voice well sung
Capture my smile
Hold it in your arms
Overflowing
Like yesterday
On the sofa
Your voice it spoke
To me of winter long past
It said things
Made me laugh as never before
Sing me again
The beauty of life
I’ll be happy once moreTonight on the sofa.

2005-01-29T11:03:00.001-08:00

World goes on
Endless crush
Eyes roaming for hope
Dreams to be filled
Standstill
In center of traffic
Light is yellow
Time to slow
Creeping halt
Mixture of sounds
Happy motorists
And the ones who talk
On cell phones
Don't use turn signals
Angry frustration
When no arrows point
Which way is up
Today, yesterday, or tomorrow
Light switches to red
Before changing to green
Green has never come
Land of eternal 25 miles per hour
Cautious and slow
Driving towards the edge
Want to head right off the cliff
Parachute open
Your arms catch me
M'kay?
EmO Jan. 2005

I was sad....

2005-01-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

Wish I knew
How to interrupt
Life as it is
And tear the bloom
For damage has to happen
So healing can occur
I wish I could confide
Pull you aside
Don't know how to go about it
Shed light on what is dark
Hard to talk when we never do
Broach a subject
We try so hard to hide
If I had a one-liner
And opening, I'd do it
To hell with the consequences
To hell with what you think of me
If I could think of
Words to tell you
And not recieve a scathing glance
All would be okay
In the end
I would have done my part.

Aisle 5

2005-01-29T11:02:00.001-08:00

Oh you're too kind
Plastic goggles hiding
Fizzed up ginger ale eyes
Heels trodden on
By the metallic ring of
The shopping cart
Aisle five is uncharted territory
It shelves canned soup
And extra hopes
Expired last year
But sitting in the pantry
Waiting for a beloved can opener
Prince Charming with noodles
Lunchtime passes
The placemat empty
Stars come out
The pots simmer
Dishes in the sink
No soap bubbles tonight
They're gone like the stars
I wish I was in aisle 5
Again

Always How YOU Feel

2005-01-29T11:02:00.000-08:00

Crumpled grayness
Fuzzy paper edges
[You know how that is]
Wear brings frayed ends
Can be taped
But not made as new
Rightness is never to be had
[Again]
Once change is set in motion
The snow keeps coming
Condition is harder to guess
Whiteout. Missing you.
[Around the edges]
My paper is creased
Folded inside and out
Its my fingers, bent backwards
Reaching, waiting
[Hurting for you]
Empty eye sockets
Frosted shut, and windburnt
Able, but so unwilling to see
[I told you so.]
It always ends like this
You see colors that aren't there
I see feelings emerge
A clash of red and fury
[Its how you feel again.]

Creeping Stillness

2005-01-29T11:00:00.000-08:00

Stillness creeps
As vine with leaf
No rhyme, no reason
It lifts and breezes
Stillness, darkness
Silence night
Evening vanished
Behind midnight’s mask
Night is here
To hurt my ears
Quiet whispers
Screaming thus
In my heart
My head
My lungs
Bed is empty
Of all but my body
Lonely, still
Drifting somewhere
Just not here
Floating, hoping
To be gone
When morning dawns
Pale light streams in
Wake up to eyes
To occupied hand
Mirrored self image
Happy and bright
At peace with still life
Content with cool sheets
With solitude
Life
Then I wake from a dream.
Em O. 12.29.04

Make it Lonely

2005-01-29T10:59:00.000-08:00

Make it lonely
Time to talk again
Circle of friend never ending
Whispers as thin
As cigarette smoke.
Smiles as sweet
As candy coated M&M's
False as lies of yesterday
Still lies today
Stillness in your eyes
Was there ever anything more
In your coated heart?
Sunday comes and goes
As does my friendship
Sunday friend
God despises you
As do I.

-Em O. 12.31.04

Envisioning You

2004-12-16T18:02:00.000-08:00

Tall and frail and too skinny

Cream of your skin against coffee

Black as Starling feather hair

Lips pale and moving

Fingers fretting over the wood of

A cheap pawnshop guitar

Sneakers torn and stained

Under tattered jeans portrude

Frozen breath from your mouth

Cold hands tucked away in pockets

Lonely waiting for small imperfection

Of my hand in your pocket

My laughter as your mittens

Eyes that talk under sparse dark brows

The pages in a book turn by

Flipping to the last chapter

Telling all revealing nothing

Unless you look on to read

One word at a time forming the future

I watch on as though through glass

Envisioning you

Seeing me

Are we ever to be?

Em O. 12.15.04

When Spring Calls You

2004-12-16T17:56:00.000-08:00

Shall Forever be eternity

Of hole inside burnt heart

Flaking tears dried to the shell

Forever void of the one true tell

Once flower bloom, pink and shiny

New lovers perfect for life

As though Spring in November

That poetic month of

Dried dead leaves

Winds blowing away future

In my eyes

Life begins to fade away to wool

Wrapped tight with striped scarf

Hide from navy blue snowfall

Sit in the corner of the brocade chair

Falling high, left to be sad

Winter drags on for life

The isolation of forced hibernation

Sounds outide tempt silly dreams

But the ever present slumber

Persists

Be still my hopeful eyes

And look on Spring when it calls YOU.

-Em O. 12.15.2004

Glimpse

2004-12-14T19:39:00.000-08:00

I saw a face,
For a moment, forgot to inhale.
I heard a laugh,
For a while, I laughed too.
I felt an existence,
For friendship and more.
A back was turned,
So near, yet so far.
Right in front of me,
You held a hand.
It wasn't mine, and my heart hurt.

Why did this happen?
Why did it end?
If I was dreaming, I want it back.
If you were wrong,
Then make it right.
Make it right.

Everything's different,
They tag along, crowding the space.
Never alone,
We never talk, we just joke.
Tip-toeing around,
Serious questions, complex emotions.
I feel a wall,
Rigid, between us.
It all seems so fake,
Why do we try, it just makes me hurt.

I want to be Here

2004-12-09T12:38:00.000-08:00

Portland Cafe
Originally uploaded by Amandular.

...In a little cafe...with someone...somewhere...other than here...

This is not a poem....its just me. Writing.

I want a checkered tablecloth...and a glass ketchup bottle.....it would open a whole new realm of possibilities.

Seemingly Gone

2004-12-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

Seemingly Gone
Em O. April 12, 2004
Grasping at empty space again
Yet again, you’ve seemingly disappeared
The fog twists around me
Obscuring my view
Of you. Of us.

Thoughts crowding in
Making me claustrophobic, once again
Doubting you ever cared enough
To actually stay, here with me.

Reassuring myself, I repeat what you said
You’d never leave, abandon me
So I turned my back instead
Leaving you, stupid me.

Why do I live the opposite of what I desire
I had the choice, to stay,
I have the chance, to return
You’re still there. Where you’ve always been.

Random Ramblings

2004-12-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

September 10th, 2004:

Someday, dreams will have to come true. In some part of my life,
some wishes will have to be granted.
I will someday be loved.
For who I am.
Held, and cuddled.
I will receive my first kiss.
Hold hands for the very first time.
Be intimate with another human being,
My future, unknown husband.
I will walk down the aisle,
Dressed in white, pure and hopeful
I will see my dreams fulfilled as you wait for me there.
My dreams will run away, in the night,
With you by my side.
My tears won’t be as painful,
With you there to catch them.
The night won’t seem so frustrating, with your
Arms around me.
I’ll have someone to share my music with,
Someone who will sing to me.
Who’s voice I will find beautiful, no matter what.
I will have someone to share my seat with.
To have a home with.
A friend to shop with, laughing at the ridiculous purchases
People make.
You can make me laugh, when tears are threatening.
Be by my side eternally.
I’ll hold your hand. Not tell anyone if you cry.
I’ll love you unconditionally.
Without end.
We can argue, debate, and disagree on things,
But in the end, we shall embrace.
I shall look deep into your eyes,
And be silent. Just being with you is enough.
My dreams run away with me,
Will you come too?

For the Over Protected

2004-12-03T14:31:00.000-08:00

Trapped
Em O. 2004

A whiteness
Numbing emotions
Along she sits
Afraid of who they say she'll become

Overprotective arms reign her in
A fence all around
Trapped alone, over-loved

Guilt overrides rights
Mixed feelings translated in anger
What can she do?
What can she do? She's not 'allowed'

Single tear shatters, splintering in pain
Shards gather, in hopless palms
How does hope apply?
Where can she go?

A beauty surrounds her
A peace, a love
Her face is different
A light in the dark ocean
of faces

The trail from the tear glistens
Illuminating her eyes
The fire burns, she'll not let go

Perservering, pulling, trusting
Breaking the curse
Not destined for failure
Destined for LIFE.

Some from Spring 2004

2004-12-03T13:50:00.000-08:00

-What You See-
Em O. 2004

Tis an illusion
A curtain of hope
A shadow, a whisper
A filmy vapor, fogging one's vision

Tis a mask
Worn and cracked
A wall built to keep you at bay
A hedge, closing in, and cutting you off

Strength portrayed
Delusioned, tricked, almost hypocritical
An example created, an image projected
All I am, and ever will be, leave's me quaking in your wake.

-Serenading the Stars-
Em O. 2004

Strumming, fine tuned
Melody escaping
Words emitting from your lips
A blur of colors
Tasting, touching, hearing
Feeling, falling, keeping
Tender thoughts,
And provoking lyrics
Thoughts that tempt
Dreams that vanish
Empty hands, lonely arms
Feet cemented, lungs errupting
Screaming for you
You croon on
Serenading the stars.

-Decieved-
Em O. 2004

You played your games,
So cunningly
With much skill, and loving care
It was an art, a dance, music flowing gracefully
You had me fooled.

The lies you composed, were woven tight,
Tupperware, airtight,
No blame in sight.
The games you played,
You tricked my mind
I believed what my heart told me.

Still believing, that you care,
Both me, and you.
We say we’re close, we act all right,
Mind games all.
The ends ahead.

Falling, grasping,
Pulling threads
I pray, beseech, that its not yet
To think you lied,
That you betrayed me
It hurts my heart,
I want to throw up.

This Poem’s for you, but not you alone
Its for her, for them, for anyone
The lies we’re told, the way were played
It’s sick, it hurtsIt cuts away.

-Die Slowly-
Em O. 2004

Its coming up, the scenery flying
Slam into a brickwall,
I can feel me dying

I'm back where I started
Displaced and weary,
Mad at the world, the future's bleary

Tell me who, and what I am!
Where do I go, whats my life for?
Is there anyone in here, To hear me cry
To catch my tears, and wipe them dry?

A mist surrounds, enveloping me,
Bewildered, I'm lost,
You're not who I believed.

Lost...but I found them....

2004-12-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

She sits Alone
Em O.

She sits alone,
In that single chair,
Contemplating everything

The situation overwhelms,
Her thoughts irrational,
She’s lost everything

What would she give,
To do it over,
To undo everything

Her boyfriend pressured,
She caved in,
And gave him Everything

The relationship ended,
When she told him,
About the baby and everything

Her parents screamed,
They kicked her out,
She must deal with everything

The counselor talked,
She said it would work,
And take care of everything

The baby’s gone,
She’s all alone,
To clean up everything

They said she’d heal,
Physically she did,
But emotions are everything

Her church rejects her,
She lost her friends,
She gives up on everything

She takes those pills,
They’re so tempting,
And swallows everything

Now she lies on the floor,
The chair tipped over,
Giving in to everything

Some one chances to knock,
He dials 911,
They try everything

She’s in the hospital bed,
The stranger by her side,
He tells her everything

She asks him why he cares,
He speaks of someone,
Who knows everything

This savior, this healer,
A man, the Son of God,
Who gave up everything

Tears form in her eyes,
She tells of the church rejecting her,
Of the baby, the boyfriend and everything

The parents who disowned her,
The murder she committed,
Everything

He listens quietly,
Nodding his head,
And listening to everything

He doesn’t judge her,
Doesn’t seem to care,
He accepts everything

The compassion he shows,
That light from within,
Makes her want to ask about everything

She asks him to pray with her,
Life courses through her,
And gives God everything

Revolve
Em O. Date unknown

Tangled up in doubts
Hesitating once again
Holding back
Afraid, alone, and ashamed

Reach out a hand
I’m on my knees
I’ve asked for you
To come to me

Crashed into the wall again
Complacent and perplexed
Not understanding
Selfish, prideful, and hurt

Reach out a hand
I’m on my knees
I’ve asked for you
To come to me

Which ways up, it’s all spiraling down
The oceans’ emptying
I’m running dry
Crying, addicted, drained

Reach out a hand
I’m on my knees
I’ve asked for you
To come to me

Shattered… you fit me together
Lost…you located all of me
Dying…. you brought me to life
Alone…. you showed up for me.
For me, for me, all for me

Backdrop
Em O. August 20th, 2004
Wallpaper it seems,
In the distance, surrounded
Second to the best
Out shown, time and time again
Smiles, listening ears
Emotions kept at bay
When all hell is loose
The calm, the same
Taking it all in
Slow, contemplating
Never quick to anger
But always stuck, alone
Backstage, just out of reach
The hands that make it all better
Try to reassure.
To mend all fights
Peacemaker
Frustrated, in the dark
Left out, once again
The world passes me by
Everyone excels, proceeds,
I’m stuck in the past
Escape barred
Invisible barriers
Silently asking to be let go
Wanting a taste of the future,
Just a taste, of what others have
To live the dream
Hearing words
That need to be spoke
Achieving the things
I hope for at night
Though obscured, blurred
I still pray
The heart still tugs
My eyes still cry
To know what is to come

Really Here?
August 20, 2004 –Em

As quickly as it appears
It’s gone
As fast as I can fathom it
It fractures into mist

At one time, it was there
Its not
Confident, I was sure
I was so mistaken.

Just when I want it to leave
It knocks
Whispering, luring
I don’t desire it anymore

These may not make sense....

2004-12-01T08:31:00.000-08:00

Dropped
Em O. April 27th, 2004

Purple hazing, mist drips
One drop, two
The stillness reverberates
Careening off of the hollow walls
The heart splits, dripping
Sea salt bittered tears
The dew on the lawn
Wind in my face
Reminding me of hurtful memories
Mistaken hopes and gray dreams
Frozen moonlight, cold and sickening
Smooths over the night
Clutching me, dragging me deep
Pale sunlight filters through the
Charcoal shadows
The mist drips
Three drops, four.

Untitled
Em O. October 2004

Forgotten hollows of thought
Passages long forgotten
Whispers of the future
Of expectations bubbling, growing
Suffocating, nipped, tucked away
Smothered sleep
Fire beneath
Uncomfortable, heat building
Hair entangled
Sweat, movement, thoughts flee...
Coolness, night approaches
The sheets are smooth
Shadows empty
Hollows multiplied
Hair is matted
My hand is empty.

Fade Away
Em O. Oct. 2004

Styrafoam packing curls
Snowing, blizzard, sky
Cardboard lungs
Breathing you in
Wheeze, dust
Filter out
All grime and static
What if
The world of vacuums
If only
Breathe you in
Exhale
Worlds clash, sofa cushions
Empty, hardened
Whispers from the lightbulbs
The whirring of thoughts
Mysteries behind the curtains
Deep night
Ink staind heavens
No stars tonight
They fell away
Last week at your voice
Footsteps fade away
Lingering whisps of
Grass stained jeans
Summer nights
When the stars still shone.

Sofa Wings and more....

2004-12-01T08:20:00.000-08:00

For Me?
Em O. April 1, 2004

If its just you and me here now,
I have to ask
Why would you want to be
Here, alone with me?

If its me that you love here now,
I have to wonder
Why would you care
That much for me?

If you really did die, so long ago
Before I was born
Why would you say
It was only for me?

If I could only understand now
Instead of always asking
Would I really change,
To be worthy for you?

If you'll only except me now
Here as I am
Loving me as you have
Thats enough for me.

Will Mend
Em O. March 25, 2004

I'm twitching again
You must be near
There's your voice
Echoing in my ear.

The chair you take
Is near to me
Your knee you place
Strategically

Your eyes they laugh
At an inside joke
The stares fly by
When my arm you poke

They're talking again
About you and I
Giggling, pointing
I want to cry

I need you here
Just as my friend
For now I'll take it
My heart will mend.

Sofa Wings
Em O. 06.21.03

The lights still on
You left it on again
Don't blame me
The moths are batting to and fro
Clunking against the bulb
It's a futile effort
Why don't they give up?
A sizzle, a flop, they fall from
The stale basement air
Drop onto the corduroy sofa
Accessorizing it with
Their velvety wings of death
Ornemental carcasses slip in
Between the sofa cushions
Along with forgotten objects
Spare change, needed now
That old remote
Some stale popcorn, a bottle cap
All forgotten, not high priority
Your life.

To start with.....

2004-12-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

Blind Eye Backdrop
Em O. 06.10.03

Who will speak first
The game is playing in my head
You stand there staring
I stand there gawking
She stands there hyperventilating.
You seem as though you have something to say
To me
Maybe its her you're looking at
Wanting to talk to
Maybe I'm the nuetral backdrop once again
"Hi it's me!" Noone really sees me
Why should you?

Standing Here
Em O. May 2003

Standing across the ocean of
People

Staring ahead, I try to get your
Attention

You focus on someone, your face grins
At Her

The sea closes in, leaving me here
Lost

Millions of faces, one I knew well but they
Don't know me

They'll chat for hours about things they don't
Understand

Not like you, always making me laugh
Out loud

You always brought a smile to my face
Laughter

But now you're gone, forgotten, dead
To me

You have to be, to not be, I would risk
Everything

Chasing Squares
Em O. Oct. 2002

Whirling, not in circles, but oddly,
In squares
Out of the normal, something I don't
See everyday

Your lips, they taunt me, with your flagrant speeches
I pay no mind to the fact
That you are not directing you talk to me.

I will sit in raptured silence long after
You are gone
Soaking in all I can, for who knows what
The future brings

In my dreams you haunt me
Chasing my emotions with a large butterfly net
That is your arms
Leave me be, do not disturb me any longer

I will withdraw from here on out
No longer do I accept you as you are
I will set my low standards on a higher level of understanding
Whilst you chase squares.

Mirage
Em O. 2002

She has that long fakey blonde hair
She swishes it around it's
Down to her butt.
She's tiny, short, petite, little, small feet
Her fingers delicate at
Weaving falsehoods.
She dresses not as one would expect
Not on top of the fashions
But 90's mixed with trends
Yet she gains everyone's unfailing attention
With the voice of soul
Caged in a white trash body
She seems friendly, like you've known
Her for forever and a day
Beware, you just met her
With her fragile fingers she will poke
You in the back, stabbing you
With her sharp tounge.

Seat Next To Me
Em. O. May 29th, 2003

"Want a latte? It's on me."
Twinkling blue eyes offer gayly,
I melt in my seat
Happy
In
Love
I shake my head apologetically
And whisper, blushing roses on my cheeks:
"I don't care for coffee."
He nods understandingly and sits
Comfortably down
In
The
Seat
Next
to
Me.
My heart all but flutters, letting butterflies free
I snap my book shut
And twitch my feet
He smiles and we stare,
Talking isn't required,
We expell what we feel
Through our
Emotionally
Expressive
Eyes.
He gathers my hand in his,
His large, perfect,
Mine, small
Imperfect
We'll walk out together and get in my car
But when I got to talk to him
He has misted away
Along with my dreams
And the seat next to me is empty of all
But
A
Seatbelt.

My writings....

2004-12-01T07:48:00.000-08:00

These are my writings....some are very personal....I have a hard time expressing myself with the spoken word....so I write.....